To those still thinking that telethons are a tender way of showing our support to people who don’t speak our language or eat the same food that we do: You’re wrong! Philanthropy, like any modern past-time is a cut-throat game of one-upmanship and after last night’s Hope For Haiti Now, Canada’s raising the stakes for their own telethon. While they’ve already snagged such powerhouse gay marriage-loving, gun-toting Canucks as James Cameron, Michael J. Fox, that dude from Our Lady Peace, Sarah McLachlan, Nelly Furtado, and the Barenaked Ladies. And despite failing to seal a performance by one-time Dave Coulier-flame Alanis Morissette, their ace-in-the-hole will likely blow any Beyoncé-assisted wildcard away.

That’s right. Canada has sealed the pivotal Justin Bieber performance. I’m still not entirely sure who he is! I don’t think he’s Balloon Boy. I think he wants to do a song with Taylor Swift. I also think he’s meant to fill in the gaping void the maturing Jonases now that they’re off getting married and sex.

But what I do know is that Justin Bieber could go on CBC and do a karaoke version of Liz Phair’s anthemic hit “Why Can’t I” and it would raise a kajillion more dollars for Haiti than Hope For Haiti Now ever could’ve dreamed of doing.

source:rohin guha, blackbookmag.com